Simple instructions for life (part 1)

[Steve Thorp]

Shuffle along. Shuffle along. Don’t look up, don’t look down. Straight ahead will do. At eye level is the TV; at eye level is the shop window; at eye level is the pedestrian crossing. Step out at green; stop at red (flashing green is confusing, you are allowed to make your own mind up about that one).

At eye level, too, are other people’s eyes. Know that this is only an accident of design. Don’t engage. Don’t engage whatever you do. You might see fear or even love there and that would be disastrous for you.

Don’t read poetry - nobody does. Don’t look at art (who needs art now that the new digital cameras can do sooo much!). Don’t talk about deep stuff (like global warming or quantum physics*) or question these simple instructions; your brain will scramble and that, too, can be disastrous.

There are people out there who will tell you otherwise: that its OK to look into the eyes of strangers; to read out loud on a bus or a train; to stand in the street, look up and exclaim loudly how beautiful the clouds are today; to talk about things that can’t be seen (like concepts, soul and stuff); to sit quietly and let the day be absorbed into your skin.

Ignore these people. Listening to them is dangerous. Exciting, joyful, exhilarating, creative - perhaps - but dangerous and potentially disastrous all the same! Listen instead to people with grey suits or perpetual grins (or preferably both) - you’ll be safe with them!

*Note - the point about deep stuff is that it can’t be seen so probably doesn’t really exist. So if someone tries to have a deep conversation with you, then just say, as loudly and aggressively as you can - “I think you should know that I don’t believe in global warming/quantum physics/psychotherapy/black holes…” (delete as appropriate). That should do the trick.

First posted at psycho-bubble - 13.9.2012